So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
