Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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