How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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