are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
