hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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