Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
