I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think my moral compass just broke
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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