Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am one with the molecules
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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