thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
