Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
