I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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