He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
