I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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