so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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