Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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