we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
