well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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