I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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