i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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