he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
