i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i love accidental penises.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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