Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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