dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
