i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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