but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize