So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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