Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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