No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
