in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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