Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
