Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
