i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
