How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
