My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
