I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
