My first STD was from a foam party
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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