He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
