that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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