ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize