called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
