Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
