the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Reggie can tackle my bush.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
