Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
