I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
