when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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