My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
