Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
