yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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