Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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