Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
