our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
