I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
