Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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