Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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