Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
