honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize