i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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