Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
