I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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