Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
