In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
