he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
