so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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