Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
