And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize