Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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