i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
