my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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