Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
