me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
