someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
