I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
