You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
