Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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