Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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